100th post.

Basically, this is my 100th post so I thought I would actually write about something interesting, as I don't really have time to write every night like I wanted to when I first started my blog.

This year so far has been one of the best one's so far, and I know most people say this about every year, but I swear I haven't actually been this happy before. I've had such good things happen to me this year and I am beginning to realise who I am and what I want, which is a first, I'm telling you. I've got a beautiful girlfriend, I've nearly finished school and I have a good future ahead of me. Before that though, I have exams and then a 13 week summer holiday. It is going to be bliss - Sun, sea, girlfriend, alcohol, friends, bbq's, cigarettes and smiles :)

I got home this morning after staying at Devon's on the Friday and Saturday, and just started thinking. Not anything in particular, just the odd thought going round, you know? I miss Devon, have done all day - it's not a nice feeling. I'm talking to Jasmine right now; She does actually fully make me giggle with every post she writes on my wall - it's amazing. I'm also waiting for my Mum and Dad to go out so I can babysit the brother's and their friends, earning dollar of course.

Anyway, I said this post would be interesting; But so far it's been boring. What do I write about for my 100th post? Idea!

100 thoughts;

1. The sun coming through the net curtains is actually pretty nice
2. The fact my parents are going out is such a good thing
3. My eye make-up looks okay today
4. How comfortable I am sitting on the computer chair
5. I'm going to have a nice cold refreshing beer when they go
6. I am going to talk to my girlfriend when they go, on the phone
7. My head is starting to hurt after putting it in two plaits, then putting it in a bun
8. My nails are looking better now they are painted
9. I wish my Dad's voice wasn't so loud sometimes
10. My ankles hurt from all the walking I attempted yesterday
11. They need to leave so I can look at this picture of two girls on this girl's Tumblr
12. Poking myself in the eye was a stupid thing to do
13. Don't stand behind me, it's irritating
14. Seriously just go
15. I haven't actually talked to Devon since 10:30 this morning
16. It would be nice if she text me, even though I can't text back with no credit
17. I have hardly any eyebrows but I don't really care
18. The number 18 is so strange
19. I need to put loud music on when they go
20. They are nearly gone, how nice is that?
21. I should go clear up my drawings that I was doing earlier from off my bed
22. "I'll give it to you later" - of course you will £10 now please!
23. I really want to see that picture, like right now - get out of the front room
24. Why can't I have a computer in my room?
25. It's 6:15? No way
26. I swear all I've done today is sleep
27. I don't like animals - especially not dogs, ducks I like, yes I do
28. Bye! Finally!
29. I don't recognise the girls in the photo on the Tumblr - boring
30. I'm going to turn the TV down, oh wait I'm not - I'm too comfy
31. Wait, it's annoying me now
32. I haven't really done a lot today apart from shower, eat, draw and watch Kick-Ass
33. I need Mum to get me a key cut
34. I can't remember how many exams I have left
35. Time is going slow
36. Oh! I can watch The Mentalist without Mum
37. I think I actually have 14 exams left?
38. I'm hungry but I don't know what to eat
39. No I don't, I have like 9?
40. Oh my shit, my back hurts
41. Where's the paracetamol, mother
42. You are going to get so bored if you read this, but oh well, it's giving me something to do
43. If my brother screams like that again - I might just take a knife and...
44. Socks would be a good thing right now, but once again - I am too comfy
45. I sound proper lazy
46. Tumblr is so boring today
47. Oh my shit, I forgot it's Sunday!
48. I'm going to see how many exams I have left
49. I hate the amount of xbox's in my house
50. I also hate running up the stairs to see that I actually have 9 exams left and it was pointless to run up the stairs, and I nearly tripped
51. Twice
52. MTV bores the shit out of me
53. What is Devon up to right now
54. I fucking hate those "Keep Calm And" things
55. Sugababe's are actually shit
56. I'm a right grumpy sod
57. I'm in pain though
58. I blame EVE
59. Yes, if you understand, it's because you're a clever woman
60. No one interesting is on Facebook
61. I hate it when Mum and Dad go out, because then I have to pretend to give a shit
62. It's kinda cold, but kinda hot
63. I think after I've done this, I'm going to ring Devon because I miss her
64. I have the most perfect girlfriend, you honestly have no idea
65. I want a fag but I ran out yesterday
66. I need that £10 because when I get it - it's going on cigarettes
67. Having Sky+HD isn't actually that amazing
68. Oh my fuck that girl is hot
69. Okay, I'm done
70. Seventy.. Sev..en..tee.
71. I wonder what time the rentals will actually be home
72. It's bank holiday Monday, ah that means Dad is home tomorrow
73. I guarantee they just get lashed up and come home and make me tidy up or something tomorrow morning and 'help' and she'll make a roast dinner on a Monday, and I will bitch and moan at her because she's an idiot
74. I guarantee I've spelt like everything in this wrong
75. Seriously - Facebook is shit on a Sunday
76. Might just go upstairs again and watch a film, with a cold beer
77. What time is my brother coming home? Oh well, fuck it
78. The sun is actually making me smile
79. I'm smiling
80. I need a cuddle from Devon
81. Might just ring her up and be like "Do you fancy a walk?" then get her to walk here haha
82. I'm so tired
83. Not got a lot planned for half term but people were talking about getting high? Would be nice, lovely lads
84. My hair is so retarded
85. I'm not going to prom, when even is it? I want the after party
86. Weekend has been really lovely actually
87. This is taking forever
88. I just chat shit, all the time, I swear to actual fuck
89. Why is it that there is like 283937593439 music channels on Sky but every single one is on an advert?
90. Ah I love this song, have to keep reminding myself to download it - I love Vampire Weekend
91. I need some new songs on the iPod actually
92. Could do that tonight
93. I am quite self-obsessed by the sound of things
94. Oh the time on my hands today/tonight is slightly ridiculous
95. Dizzee Rascal is lovely and I am supposed to be gay
96. I want a tattoo
97. I can't wait for summer now, this song just makes me want to sit on the beach in the sun
98. I love my friends, my life and whatnot
99. Ninety nine is probably my favourite number, not even joking
100. And finally, my last thought of today, well you know what I mean, (because it's not like I'm not going to think again after this) I LOVE VAGINAAAAA

Joking ;) Anyway, thanks for reading if you did.
Lots of love, take care <3

99

I cry at everything.

That's a lie.

I cry at nothing.

That's a lie.

So, why do I cry then?

Give me a reason, because I can't think of a single reason to cry.

My Weekend.

I've had such a good weekend, seriously.
On the Saturday, I went to Brighton with Hayley, Jess and Maryanne.
I got some clothes then we got food and sat in the Pavilion Park for a cigarette and a chat.
When I got home, Devon came to mine and we had a talk, cuddle etc and we eventually left to walk back to hers so I could stay the night :)
Sunday - our 4 month anniversary, was purely just.. wow.
I actually adore this girl and she shows me that it is possible to love more than I could've ever imagined, everyday of my life.
I love you, Devon Holland - always, forever and a day.

I haven't written in ages!

Because Tumblr still has me in it's hands; but I will start writing a lot more, soon!

Recently though, I've had no inspiration.
But I'm not going to go on a downer, I have happy times ahead of me!
And this weekend should be amazingly good, if all goes to plan.

Happy Birthday World, have a great day x

Wow.

So, OHAI!
I hope you're all doing well :)
I haven't posted in ages as Tumblr seems to be the hot spot and blog spot, just isn't.
Went to Char's BBQ last night, was so good with such a great group of people.
Words to descrbe the night:
Afroman, weed, drunk, BBQ, smiles, gee-tar, girlfriend, Vernon, sheesha, menthol's, grass stains, hearty chats, kisses, cuddles, Dave, Adrian, ketchup, fisherman's chair, mum chat, laughter, mattress, beanbag, 'apprehensive' shorts, dragon, vauxhall, home time.

It was bloody good!
And today, with the girlfriend, I shall be at another BBQ ;)
SEE Y'ALL LATER. x

Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately.

I've been thinking, I haven't blogged in forever because basically - things are good!
I have nothing to rant about, or even just bitch on the sly to the blogging world about.
I mean, there's no problem with this - but the minority of us know, reading about other people's tragedy is more fun than reading about how happy they are, because of course the best things come from the blogger's that bitch and moan (my opinion entirely, I think)
Anyway, I swear all I've done is sleep, shower and eat at the girlfriend's house this whole week - her mother must be sick of me. It's so strange coming back home and getting into my own bed though.
I keep expecting to be snuggled into from behind, or feel an affectionate hand on my hips, sides, thigh etc. I even expect that when I turn over, I'll see her laying there, just thinking and breathing beautifully. I even spent Easter in her bed because I slept there on the Saturday and then went back that night.
It's now Friday (still in the mind-set for Thursday though, obviously) and I slept at Dee's on the Wednesday.
Thursday was so lush, and that's not even a joke. Dee, Josh, Sam and I went to the beach for the day, just chilling out in the sun, on the stones, smoking (filthy, I know) and laughing as you do.
It was so lovely, to just not care. I didn't give a thought to anything bar where I would place my head and my hands when I was laying down with Dee and Josh.
It was one of those days where you just didn't want it to end, and you don't want to go home.
I felt utterly out of it all day though, and by the time my Mother made me walk to the train station to be picked up - I was in one of the worst moods I've been in for a while.
Dee walked me there and waited with me for a bit. I didn't want to go home. But I couldn't be in such an awful mood around her, though she says she doesn't mind - I just feel as if It's unfair, you know?
Anyway, getting home and putting washing away, then unpacking my bag and finally getting into my PJ's, I felt relaxed - like I could breathe almost.
Mother cooked a curry, but I sat at the table with my head swaying. Although, I did join in with the banter around the dinner table.
As soon as I start to get comfortable, as I lay on my bed in the dark with my iPod on, I start to have mad crazy thoughts because I miss Dee so much. I love her because she keeps me at my sanest.

OH MY GOD.
I never oh my god, but seriously!
Blogging world - hello :')
My mum told my dad that I'm gay whilst I was out with Dee and Sam. She then rang me to 'warn' me that he wasn't happy and that I should probably avoid him as he basically hates me because I put him through so much shit such as being a vegetarian (which he was for 2 years of his life!) and being a psycho, and not talking to anyone in my house (haha) and now I'm a LESBIAN.

"I'm not a lesbian, I just happen to have a girlfriend"
"You're so confusing"
"You love it"
On-going conversation, it's fine.

Today though, he hasn't exactly looked me properly in the eye - but he's had a few jokes with me, so all is well. It's just my mum trying to stir shit up, I think.
Anyway, aha! Not that exciting, but my dad knows! So basically, it's out. Nothing on my conscience, apart from the fact that dad is 'hurt' that I didn't approach him and mum about it 'before telling the whole of facebook' Mums words entirely.

Jesus effing Christ. I'm tired! So I should probably log off everything and go to sleep!
Busy day tomorrow, as I have to finish (somehow) painting my dress, do revision and do some more art prep, which I utterly can't be bothered with - but it has to be done.
MOTIVATION, I think so!

Have beautiful weekends xo

Sunny Girlfriend Chocolate Love.

I can't believe it is sunny today and all I am doing is sitting at the computer, half attempting to eat some chocolate and listening to the faint sound of the football in the background.
Luckily though, I woke up next to my girly this morning after spending the night with her and Joshie and Sam and Lauran.
It wasn't all so lovely last night though, oh no! Dee was sick because of the 1/4 bottle of rum she downed to herself. I can't deal with sick - it makes me.. well, feel sick. Thankfully though, Joshua could cope and he was the saviour.
I wish I could've been the saviour, but all I could do was laugh and try not to gag.
I felt like a failure to her - like I proved that I can't help. I felt utterly useless, but I just couldn't do anything to make it better.
I cried too, not because she was being sick (though it got to me), but because the alcohol made my insecurities come out to play and Joshua just knows what to say. He's a good lad.
As is Sam, whom I talked to about stuff to when it was just him and I in Josh's bedroom.
When we got back to hers at 11 o clock at night after Josh and Sam walked us home - She stumbled about, trying not to wake her parents up, and brushed her teeth like a mad woman (Maybe too much information, but it needs to be said for the rest of this to sound less-disgusting) and used mouth wash, as did I.
Laying in her arms after an hour of "Give me an hour, and I'll be fine" we kissed and snuggled into each other. Feeling her against me is the feeling I will never forget. I love the way we touch, it fills me with such sensations that I can't speak nor think. And the loving.. just wow.
I love waking up and not saying anything, then being surprised when her arm falls across my tummy and makes its way to my hand, with our backs still facing each other.

Right now I can see a tiny bit of sun in my back garden, where my cat is sitting in. It has been quite a beautiful day today, yet the only fresh air I got today was getting in and out of the car.
Oh well, I want to see D again - so I might persuade mother to take me over.

Hope you all have a wonderful week ahead and have a lovely Easter Day xo

Wednesday,

I’m going to start off by saying how much I hate being ill - but it’s okay because I have super noodles, summer fruits drink and Neon Hitch in my ears. Wednesday’s are shit. Hump day? It’s just.. awful.It rained a bit, was proper windy all day and my textiles teacher basically hates me.She doesn’t get what having no confidence does to people.Oh I swear my insecurities will hold me back forever.Or as Eminem says “My insecurities will eat me alive”I need a cuddle or something, it’s nicht so gut.And I am deciding on whether going in to do textiles all day tomorrow on the first day of the holidays would be a good thing, since I have 19 days to make a dress and evaluate it.I love my girlfriend. I love how she tries, no matter how she’s feeling, to deal with me. She’ll hate that I say the word ‘deal’ as she thinks that she doesn’t have to ‘cope’ with me, as she loves me and that’s what she’s there to do - but it’s not fair on her. But she does make me happier. I just wish I did the same for her. Uh. Well, I’m going to change the song now, eat some noodles and whine about my life to some one else. Love x

Monday.

When I woke up, I was happy. It was dark because the clocks went forward and last night I had the cutest conversations with D and some lovely chats with Sam.
I was looking forward to school, until I saw my face in the mirror - ergh, I hate my skin.
Then the whole day was awful, and the last part was by far the worst.
I'm going to not moan - I'm dealing with it :)
XO

Uh, Tonight - Yes PLEASE.

Party tonight, lovers.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay awake though, as I slept at Dee's last night, but didn't actually fall asleep until 4am just gone.
Tonight, there's a party @ Josh's :) It's going to be good, at his mum's flat, with like 100 people, people that are actually ALRIGHT.
Lewis just said I could meet him at 7 tonight, because hardly any of us know where this flat is! It should be a funny night - as I am one of the lads and it's going to get 'messy' ahah, oh dear fuck :') I make myself laugh..
Plus I'm going to be sleeping at Dee's again tonight.

Oh and I found a good remix today by WTCC (WasteTimeChasingCars) on YouTube, as I subscribed to him and have not since regretted it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXo-6d2awOY&feature=sub
Have a good weekend, lovely lovely people XO

My Doctor's Trip.

Wow, who knew going to the Doctor's could give me so much to blog about!
Firstly, I would just like to say - I got my prescription ;)
Secondly, I want to tell you all about the people I shared a waiting area with.
So, here we go.
When my mother and I arrived at the surgery, there were about 5 different sets of people all waiting to see various doctor's, as you do. There was a couple next to us, who obviously had no problem with saying exactly what they thought in public. There was a giant of a man, who was sitting reading Reveal. There was a woman with lovely cared for hair, but looked like the "I fell off and seriously injured my fringe" woman. There was also a woman who kept getting up to change her seat and lastly, there was a woman in a wheelchair with a carer, but the woman was blind and deaf and kept saying "I can't see" and "What's that noise". It was awful, because I felt so sorry for her. She didn't have a clue what was going on and to top it off, her carer looked like a cartoon hippo! She was a right monster and kept telling the elderly lady that she needed to sit and be quiet. I just kept looking at my mum as if to say "What a bitch!" and my mum would roll her eyes.
I was getting impatient when everyone was seeing their Doctor's, but I was still in the same seat, feeling like shit. Later on, another couple came in after those 5 had gone and the woman's voice was all husky and lovely and her husband made me think of him sitting in the middle of a lake, fishing 'till his heart was content. So cute!
It turns out, I was half an hour early, but still sat there for 50 minutes! And then my appointment only lasted 5 minutes at the maximum, no word of a lie.
Now I'm sitting at my computer, my mum has gone back to work, I'm home alone, with my PJ's on, drinking tea with a hat on. I think I may go take a rest now - what a hectic morning ;) XO

I don't like being ill.

I'm not at school today as I was in a right state last night, because I felt so shit.
It came out of nowhere. I was happy all day, well as happy as I can deal with - then I went to art after school and suddenly it hit me. My head went weird, I felt sick and I just needed to go home.
After a 20 minute wait for my mum to come and pick me up, I had to wait in the car park of Iceland, fun! But at least she brought me food with her. When I got home, I just got into bed.
I haven't felt that awful - like, I just couldn't cope anymore - in a very long time.
I cried so much, it was ridiculous and it took everything out of me.
So today, waking up - I just got a shower, felt even worse and asked mum if I could just get back into bed. The worst part of it all today, on top of feeling like this, I have to go to the Doctor's anyway to ask to be put on the pill. Aha, it's funny because my brother was like "But she's a lesbian! She won't get pregnant!" I found it hilarious anyway. But the reason I am being asked to be put on it is to regulate me, hopefully for exams and it won't stress me out knowing it's coming. Anyway, that's lovely! But oh so true.
I'm going to go and lay down now. I love you all xo

I Love You Phillip Morris,

Best film I have seen in a while. So sweet, so beautiful, so weird and wonderful, and best of all it made me laugh and cry. Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor are just stunning.
Also, I got to catch up with Hayley which was utterly lovely :))! I love and miss her.

Goodnight XO

I was also tagged in this photo on Facebook tonight too from the other day when we were sat on the field at lunchtime in the sun. I LOVE DEVON.

Ohai Monday. Oh that rhymed!

I can't believe it's Monday again already!
And I'm sure I say this every Monday - But seriously, I have to do a controlled piece of German coursework today, and I am in no way prepared for it.
Save me? I will love you forever, trust me.
But you should wish me luck <3

Anyway, the only good thing about today is that I get to see my girl.
Have a good day xo

Weekend.

I have had a lovely weekend :)
Even though I felt pretty awful, in pain etc - D has managed to make this weekend pretty special. Saturday I went to hers, then we met up with some people, and then being the total brat I am, she took me back to hers because I didn't feel very well. She is my saviour, to be honest! Proper looks after me, and I love her for it. I don't really deserve her as she's too good to me. Anyway, today, she came to mine and we had another lazy day. Watched lesbian vampire killers, listened to music, chilled, talked, kissed, cuddled, watched more awful tv etc. She makes Sunday's worth it!
It's a shame I didn't get to see Hayley, but we plan to go to the cinema at some point during this week! Which should be bloody good as we deserve a de-stress session.
Anyway, hope your weekends were just as lovely and your week ahead is just as good! xo

Blog Award.

Thanks to "Newbo" I have my first blogger award!

The rules of the award are:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 5 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

1. I love writing, I love being able to write because I have the ability due to schooling and perseverance.

2. I will never dye my hair :)

3. I am utterly in love with my girlfriend, and I always will be - no matter what anyone thinks.

4. I live in my PJ's and I'm really lazy :')

5. I love weekends where one day I am at my girlfriend's house all day, then the next day she's at mine. But then as soon as she goes - I miss her like a mad woman!

6. I'm too nice for my own good at times, but that's because I take into account that other people's feelings are more important than my own.

7. I hope to have many amazing experiences in my lifetime.

So my 5 bloggers are:

.WEAR ME OUT. - she makes me smile quite a bit.
At the edge of the ocean - she's different :)
KNITLIFE - the pictures she posts are amazing.
The Weird & Wonderful - i love her.
..this modern love. - - just wow :')

XO

"When I was 15, I sat in my girlfriend's bedroom and the world was none the wiser.."

I love coming to Devon's. It's quiet, peaceful. It gives me space to think, even if my heart is racing due to the fact being in her company makes me want to scream. It's surreal. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the fact that if and when I get older, I will have memories with this girl and like they say; "the best part of a memory is making it." Hope you're having gorgeous saturday nights. XO

Weekend Special - Music, Hair + My Coming Out Story - Lushhh.

I was just thinking, as I sit in my Pyjamas on this Saturday morning (Yes morning, I am awake before 12!) of how many music artists can make me; tingle. I love that word, I love feeling like it too. Yes tingle.
It's the sensation that feels so much better when I'm with Dee. But it's nowhere near as perfect as it is when I'm with her, mind you. So, singers that make my legs go to jelly and my head feel heavy, my arms go numb and my face hurts from smiling;

1. Regina Spektor - I heard of her when I was in Year 8, so I was around 13. I was on MySpace one day and a gay guy that I was friends with had the song 'Fidelity' by her on his profile. I instantly fell in love, and didn't understand why I hadn't heard of her until that day. I quickly started downloading and learning the lyrics and then as the time went on bought two albums and downloaded the others. I will always love her beautiful voice and fantastic lyrics. If I had an idol, it would be her. No doubt about it.

2. Santogold - When I was in Year 9, I turned 14 in the July and instantly bought her album from Zavvi in Brighton with Hayley. I listened to it over and over, each song filled me with joy and some sort of gorgeous emotion. It was my summer album, and recently I found a stunning remix by DJ Mehdi, of Lights Out and I fell in love with it. It's made me want summer to come even quicker too! Santi White is definitely an inspiration.

3. Lykke Li - She's so beautiful and talented. I would marry her music in a heartbeat. Her voice is so strong, but so subtle and the tones to her voice make me tingle! I can't help but either cry or smile until I can't feel my face anymore when I'm listening to her beautiful melodies. She certainly is an interesting charachter and a fantastic songwriter. Such a great artist.

4. Kid Cudi - Now I know what you're all thinking. Kid Cudi? Because of that god awful song he did with Crookers? But no, that's not why I love him. His songs are full of amazing different stories that are upbeat and make my 'heart' feel joy. The song Up, Up and Away makes me feel vibrant and re-freshed. And when I hear Down & Out, it makes me feel a little lower. But that's why I love him - he makes me feel something.

5. Lady Gaga - So it's not her music that I'm inspired by, nor her clothes but her dancing. I don't know why, but when I see her dance in her videos, something comes over me and I can't help but love her! Her music is pretty exciting, but it's not for me, though they are catchy and I find myself humming them through lessons. I only like her clothes when she has little on, but I won't go any further than that! She's talented, and an inspiration to girls (and boys) and I hope she does more then well in her lifetime.

So they are my five favourite artists and I'm not bothered if you do not agree, as every one's opinion is different. :)

Next thing I want to write about is my hair. I love people who try to be polite about my hair. Nowadays I'm not phased by the colour it is, as it makes up part of who I am. "You know Ashleigh, the ginger one" Yes, that is me and I wouldn't dye my hair to spite anyone. I had it cut yesterday and I was really upset beforehand because it had grown so long and I didn't want it to be all chopped off, but when I came home, dried and straightened it, I fell in love with it. It's healthier, tidier and it's not too short!

Oh and I love how I've never told my 'coming out' story to BlogSpot before. Well I'm sure I haven't. So I'll tell you. It's not much of a story as such, but it was a big thing for me, if you like. So, I knew from the age of 11 that girls were pretty hot and that it was 'wrong' to like them in that way. I didn't tell anyone of course because at the age of 11 it was the whole 'going up to big school and making new friends' stage of life. I remember getting to Year 9 and telling my closest friend's that I thought I liked girls, which of course was weird but did nothing to our friendships. Last year, I told more new people in my life that I was Bisexual. They thought it was pretty cool and no one minded and I felt somewhat accepted already, so when it came to 'coming out' with my girlfriend this year, I lost no friends and the amount of 'likes' and 'comments' on the 'relationship change' on Facebook was lovely aha! Then of course going to school on the Monday, I walked through the door of my tutor and the first comment from my friend Jess was "Are you dyking out with Devon" because of course, I kept mine and Devon's 'thing' quiet with only Hayley knowing the ins and outs of everything. Before Devon and I got together properly though, in October our friend had a birthday party with two other boys and basically everyone I was friends with and talked to went. Devon and I had known about our feelings about each other since May because one of her closest friend's had told me she liked me but would never admit it, so I told her I liked her. I guess it was curiosity, but I did have some feeling's for her and wondered what would develop if she told me the truth. To my surprise she told me she had liked me for a while and soon after, the feeling's between us both did grow and I even told her I was in love with her. Of course, we had the society/school/parents thing hanging over us and we didn't do anything about it. We met up secretly but that was as far as it went, as out relationship was basically over Facebook. So going back to the party.. That night we had our first kiss. We were both pretty drunk, so it wasn't a confidence thing. But as the night went on, I ended up crying at her because she is one of those people who can't properly express her emotions. The Monday at school after that weekend was so awkward. We resolved things and the relationship moved on. It was only until February of this year that we got together properly, and I love growing and learning new things with D. She's my anchor, my first love - and no matter how tacky that sounds, it is true. I love how also; I 'asked' Devon to be mine whilst we were standing on a pathway between tree's, whilst it was lashing down with rain, underneath my umbrella. My exact words were "So do you wanna be my girlfriend?" In the most high-pitched voice I could possibly imagine, because I was so nervous and giggly. To my amazement she accepted ;) I'm so romantic, aren't I? Anyway, I came out to my Mother two weeks after getting together with Devon. I always knew I'd be able to tell my Mum as she is one of those people to accept things even if it messes with her head for a bit. That night, she didn't believe me. I told her after school, whilst eating a sausage roll (ironic?) I had to show her my Facebook for her to understand. It was weird. I remember thinking "Have I just fucked up my whole relationship with my mum?" So I went out. I just walked. I went to Hayley's and told her about it and it made me feel so much better. Then when I got home, my Mum was acting exactly as if I hadn't told her, and that's when I knew things would be okay! I also loved that when I told her she said "Well atleast you can't get pregnant" and "I should have never of let you play football" :') She urge's me sometimes to tell my Dad, but he's a traditional man and I can't figure him out. I'm his little girl, first born. I'm supposed to get good grades and have a family later on. Make him proud you know? He's always said he'd support me in whatever I wanted to do, like when I used to play football etc. I'd love to tell him, but I don't know. And that's the worst part. That 'not knowing' But I'm sure I will eventually tell him and I will feel better for it. I don't want people to think it's a phase just because I am 15. It's not a phase. I know I like girls, and it isn't going to just go away with age. When I know something, I know it, and that's it.

Anyway, I think I've talked too much and you probably gave up half way through reading this, but I don't mind. I felt as if I needed to write it :) Hope you all have beautiful weekends, you beautiful people XO

For Summer,

I want my hair to look like Florence's in this picture! Plus I think the girlfriend would love me even more if I was to look a little bit more like her ;) Just sayin' xo

Gaga, girlfriend and other lovely stuff.

So I finally caved in and watched the 9+ minutes of Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce - Telephone.
I'm so glad I did - LADY GAGA IS SO FUCKING HOT.
I've fallen further in love with her, no word of a lie.
The song was and is awful - but the video, I just wouldn't say no!
I loved the bit at the beginning with the two butch guards too;
"I told you she didn't have a dick"
"Yeah, lucky for her"
Ah I'm so obsessed with Gaga, you have no idea.

So me and the girlfriend are back to normal, which is fucking lush. I hate 'falling out' with anyone, especially some one I am crazily in love with. It was over pretty much nothing too and it's just not the time you want to be falling out with some one you pretty much have as your anchor. I love her and she loves me, and I love that.
Today we were by the 'lunch room' kissing and the deputy head walks past going "Get off to class, lovers" then realised we were both girls, didn't say anything, D walked off and I went to German - then to my horror - he's observing the lesson! It was so awkward, and I could tell he felt uncomfortable because every time I looked up, he would put his head down and he didn't come over to me and Fraizer to talk to us about our grades.
Anyway, I am getting really into the art exam project now, just finishing a composition and then I will begin to do some observational drawing. It's so exciting and I feel so free, it's brilliant. I am still aiming for a top B, as I'm on a B at the moment, but it could be better. So I'm hoping this exam project will shift me up to the higher end of a B.
Yesterday I found a baby picture of me (well I was around 4) in my dad's mum's garden. I was so chubby! But so sweet and innocent, as you are at that age.
I had a gold locket and my hair all weird. Yeah thanks mum. I was actually quite pretty as a bubba, aha! Hard to believe nowadays.
So I showed the girlfriend, and she was all "Awww that's so effing cute, it's unreal" Aha, I love Dee.
So yes, this has been one of the longest posts I've done in a while.
It's been lovely.
Oh and my song of the week has got to be;- Memories by David Guetta ft Kid Cudi.
I hope you're all having wonderful weeks :) XO