Weekend Special - Music, Hair + My Coming Out Story - Lushhh.

I was just thinking, as I sit in my Pyjamas on this Saturday morning (Yes morning, I am awake before 12!) of how many music artists can make me; tingle. I love that word, I love feeling like it too. Yes tingle.
It's the sensation that feels so much better when I'm with Dee. But it's nowhere near as perfect as it is when I'm with her, mind you. So, singers that make my legs go to jelly and my head feel heavy, my arms go numb and my face hurts from smiling;

1. Regina Spektor - I heard of her when I was in Year 8, so I was around 13. I was on MySpace one day and a gay guy that I was friends with had the song 'Fidelity' by her on his profile. I instantly fell in love, and didn't understand why I hadn't heard of her until that day. I quickly started downloading and learning the lyrics and then as the time went on bought two albums and downloaded the others. I will always love her beautiful voice and fantastic lyrics. If I had an idol, it would be her. No doubt about it.

2. Santogold - When I was in Year 9, I turned 14 in the July and instantly bought her album from Zavvi in Brighton with Hayley. I listened to it over and over, each song filled me with joy and some sort of gorgeous emotion. It was my summer album, and recently I found a stunning remix by DJ Mehdi, of Lights Out and I fell in love with it. It's made me want summer to come even quicker too! Santi White is definitely an inspiration.

3. Lykke Li - She's so beautiful and talented. I would marry her music in a heartbeat. Her voice is so strong, but so subtle and the tones to her voice make me tingle! I can't help but either cry or smile until I can't feel my face anymore when I'm listening to her beautiful melodies. She certainly is an interesting charachter and a fantastic songwriter. Such a great artist.

4. Kid Cudi - Now I know what you're all thinking. Kid Cudi? Because of that god awful song he did with Crookers? But no, that's not why I love him. His songs are full of amazing different stories that are upbeat and make my 'heart' feel joy. The song Up, Up and Away makes me feel vibrant and re-freshed. And when I hear Down & Out, it makes me feel a little lower. But that's why I love him - he makes me feel something.

5. Lady Gaga - So it's not her music that I'm inspired by, nor her clothes but her dancing. I don't know why, but when I see her dance in her videos, something comes over me and I can't help but love her! Her music is pretty exciting, but it's not for me, though they are catchy and I find myself humming them through lessons. I only like her clothes when she has little on, but I won't go any further than that! She's talented, and an inspiration to girls (and boys) and I hope she does more then well in her lifetime.

So they are my five favourite artists and I'm not bothered if you do not agree, as every one's opinion is different. :)

Next thing I want to write about is my hair. I love people who try to be polite about my hair. Nowadays I'm not phased by the colour it is, as it makes up part of who I am. "You know Ashleigh, the ginger one" Yes, that is me and I wouldn't dye my hair to spite anyone. I had it cut yesterday and I was really upset beforehand because it had grown so long and I didn't want it to be all chopped off, but when I came home, dried and straightened it, I fell in love with it. It's healthier, tidier and it's not too short!

Oh and I love how I've never told my 'coming out' story to BlogSpot before. Well I'm sure I haven't. So I'll tell you. It's not much of a story as such, but it was a big thing for me, if you like. So, I knew from the age of 11 that girls were pretty hot and that it was 'wrong' to like them in that way. I didn't tell anyone of course because at the age of 11 it was the whole 'going up to big school and making new friends' stage of life. I remember getting to Year 9 and telling my closest friend's that I thought I liked girls, which of course was weird but did nothing to our friendships. Last year, I told more new people in my life that I was Bisexual. They thought it was pretty cool and no one minded and I felt somewhat accepted already, so when it came to 'coming out' with my girlfriend this year, I lost no friends and the amount of 'likes' and 'comments' on the 'relationship change' on Facebook was lovely aha! Then of course going to school on the Monday, I walked through the door of my tutor and the first comment from my friend Jess was "Are you dyking out with Devon" because of course, I kept mine and Devon's 'thing' quiet with only Hayley knowing the ins and outs of everything. Before Devon and I got together properly though, in October our friend had a birthday party with two other boys and basically everyone I was friends with and talked to went. Devon and I had known about our feelings about each other since May because one of her closest friend's had told me she liked me but would never admit it, so I told her I liked her. I guess it was curiosity, but I did have some feeling's for her and wondered what would develop if she told me the truth. To my surprise she told me she had liked me for a while and soon after, the feeling's between us both did grow and I even told her I was in love with her. Of course, we had the society/school/parents thing hanging over us and we didn't do anything about it. We met up secretly but that was as far as it went, as out relationship was basically over Facebook. So going back to the party.. That night we had our first kiss. We were both pretty drunk, so it wasn't a confidence thing. But as the night went on, I ended up crying at her because she is one of those people who can't properly express her emotions. The Monday at school after that weekend was so awkward. We resolved things and the relationship moved on. It was only until February of this year that we got together properly, and I love growing and learning new things with D. She's my anchor, my first love - and no matter how tacky that sounds, it is true. I love how also; I 'asked' Devon to be mine whilst we were standing on a pathway between tree's, whilst it was lashing down with rain, underneath my umbrella. My exact words were "So do you wanna be my girlfriend?" In the most high-pitched voice I could possibly imagine, because I was so nervous and giggly. To my amazement she accepted ;) I'm so romantic, aren't I? Anyway, I came out to my Mother two weeks after getting together with Devon. I always knew I'd be able to tell my Mum as she is one of those people to accept things even if it messes with her head for a bit. That night, she didn't believe me. I told her after school, whilst eating a sausage roll (ironic?) I had to show her my Facebook for her to understand. It was weird. I remember thinking "Have I just fucked up my whole relationship with my mum?" So I went out. I just walked. I went to Hayley's and told her about it and it made me feel so much better. Then when I got home, my Mum was acting exactly as if I hadn't told her, and that's when I knew things would be okay! I also loved that when I told her she said "Well atleast you can't get pregnant" and "I should have never of let you play football" :') She urge's me sometimes to tell my Dad, but he's a traditional man and I can't figure him out. I'm his little girl, first born. I'm supposed to get good grades and have a family later on. Make him proud you know? He's always said he'd support me in whatever I wanted to do, like when I used to play football etc. I'd love to tell him, but I don't know. And that's the worst part. That 'not knowing' But I'm sure I will eventually tell him and I will feel better for it. I don't want people to think it's a phase just because I am 15. It's not a phase. I know I like girls, and it isn't going to just go away with age. When I know something, I know it, and that's it.

Anyway, I think I've talked too much and you probably gave up half way through reading this, but I don't mind. I felt as if I needed to write it :) Hope you all have beautiful weekends, you beautiful people XO